


ALONE

by Sickpuppyinexile



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alex cries a lot, Anger, Angst, Hurt, M/M, Saddness, This Is Sad, anguish, this is really sad and I am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-08 22:39:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10397763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sickpuppyinexile/pseuds/Sickpuppyinexile
Summary: When you love someone, the worst nightmare is losing him





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is very sad and I am sorry. One morning I woke up and I had to write this to take it out of my head. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I dreamed about that night.
> 
> Miles <3

Alex woke up in the empty king-size bed and for the umpteenth time he asked himself why the hell he was still sleeping in that fucking bed. It was painfully sad waking up alone every morning and waking up alone in that big bed, made him feel even more sad. He had always loved that bed especially when Miles was laying next to him, the damn bed never looking too big or too cold like it was now. 

The bedroom was the place of the house that Alex loved the most; it was a little world where Miles and he had spent hours making love, playing guitar, watching movies, reading books, writing songs, talking and cuddling until they fell asleep. Now it was just a room with a big bed inside, nothing more. No more laughs, no more whispers, no more melodies, no more kisses, no more Miles. 

Every morning Alex thought about throwing the bed away but then, he remember the day the bed arrived and he couldn’t do it.

It was December, few days before Christmas and Miles was pacing back and forth excitedly with a huge grin on his face. He was happy about the fact that after many years he was going to surprise his boyfriend. The Christmas’ present he had bought for Alex was on its way home and Miles was waiting impatiently for the courier coming any time soon. 

_“I can’t believe you didn’t even bother to go out and buy me a Christmas present! I hate the idea that you ordered my Christmas present on-line as you did for anybody else. Fuck, Mi, I am your man! You should have taken your skinny ass around the city as I did,” Alex said irritated and left the couch heading toward the kitchen. Miles was looking at him rather amused and he tried his best do not let a giggle escape his lips._

_“Al, love, you misunderstand it at all,” Miles said following Alex. The man opened a cupboard and took out a pot, pretending he was going to cook something for lunch but they both knew that the only thing he was able to do was a sandwich. And tea._

_“I went to the opposite side of the city to buy your Christmas present, Miles. It took me ages to go there and I had to take the tube to come back because cabs were stuck in the traffic. I was terrified that someone could spot me but I love you and I didn’t mind what could have happened,” Alex went on, filling the pot with water and putting it on the stove._

_“Are you really going to cook something?” Miles said approaching Alex and hugging him from behind, his chest pressed against the other’s back, his lips on Alex’s neck._

_“I am hungry and now you’re going to cook me a fucking good pasta so maybe I can forgive you,” Alex underlined still irritated even if his body was completely pressed against Miles’s one enjoying the contact. He had also bent his neck to the side to give Miles’ more skin to kiss and Miles had taken the hint immediately, kissing and biting the side of his neck gently._

_“I bought it on-line just because I couldn’t bring the present at home with me,” Miles whispered into Alex’s ear taking his lobe between his teeth and pulling it while hugging Alex tightly._

_“I do not believe you; you’re just lazy” Alex said, trying do not moan as Miles’s hand slipped under his t-shirt; his long soft fingers began to tease his nipples before slowly going down to his belly and draw some patterns, moving slowly around his navel. As Miles heard the words that had came out from Alex’s mouth, he stopped and pushed away feigning irritation._

_“That’s what you really think, Alex?”_

_“Well…. Yes! Getting old made you lazy."_  
  
_“I swear you that you are gonna regret the words you said within minutes.”_

_“Lazy.”_

_“Alex, you better shut up.”_

_“Lazy, lazy, lazy.”_

_The doorbell rang and a grin appeared on Miles’ face._

_“Get your ass ready, baby. I swear I am gonna fuck you as soon as the present is ready and I am gonna keep doing it until it’s time to go to your parents’ house for the Christmas lunch."_

_Alex frowned as he looked at Miles opening the door and let two men come inside with a lot of stuff. He tried to understand what the hell Miles had bought but he had to wait that all the boxes had been opened before realizing it was a new bed. A fucking king-size bed._

_“I can’t believe you bought it, Miles! You almost convinced me it was too big for this room and that the mattress couldn’t be as comfy as the one you bought when we moved here.”_

_“I still think it’s too big for this room but honestly, I like the idea of having such a big bed since we spend lot of time on it.”_

_“I am sorry for calling you lazy.”_

_“Don’t think that looking at me with your puppy eyes and flattering your eyelashes like that will be enough to be forgiven, baby.”_

_Alex was about to say something but he got a phone call from his mother and he let Miles alone on the bedroom’s doorframe._

_Fifteen minutes later Alex reached Miles; he told him about his mom wanting them be punctual and wear proper suits at least for one day. Miles giggled but Alex was nervous; it was the first Christmas they spent together as a couple and he couldn’t understand how Miles could be absolutely at easy with them having lunch with their parents and relatives. Miles hugged his boyfriend by the waist from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder and he watched impatiently the men finishing their job._

_“There’s no reason to be nervous, Alex. I know you're scared that I am gonna kiss you or touch you in inappropriate ways in front of your family but don't worry, Aly, I am gonna have you on that bed for the next 24 hours so I will behave on Christmas' day,” Miles said giggling stupidly, clearly making fun of him. Miles was placing a kiss on Alex’s cheek when he was interrupted by one of the men informing them that the bed was ready._

_“Oh I was almost forgetting it, Mr. Kane. Here is the set of sheets you asked; luckily they delivered them this morning,” he said giving Miles a wink. Alex felt jealous as the two men smiled at each other and gave Miles a nudge in the ribs to make him stop doing whatever he was doing. Miles thanked and ushered the two men outside before walking back toward Alex with a grin on his face._

_“What was that wink?”_

_“Take your dresses off and put the sheets on the bed,” Miles said letting himself sink into the armchair next to the bedroom door._

_“I see you have no intention to help me,” Alex said as he was taking the sheets out of the bag that was resting on the mattress._

_“I told you to take your clothes off.”_

_“Why?”_

_“You owe me that.”_

_Alex was about to say something but he knew very well that it was pointless to discuss with Miles because the man always managed to get what he wanted so he took his clothes off except for the tight boxer briefs._

_“Is this okay or I have to be naked to put the sheets on?”_

_“This boxer briefs are showing me the perfect outline of your gorgeous ass so it’s okay, you can keep it for the moment but please, babe, hurry up.”_

_Alex looked at the grin on Miles’ face and couldn’t help but notice that Miles’ left hand was nervously fidgeting with the rings on the opposite hand. Something big was going on. He finally took the sheets out of the bag and searched for the piece he had to put on the mattress. He took one side in his hands, lifted the sheet up in the air to open it, and watched it fall on the mattress. There was something printed on it so Alex leaned forward and smoothed out the material to read the words properly._

Alex decided it was better stop thinking at that day; his hand caressed the sheets and his eyes welled up with tears. Every day was a bad day since Miles was not with him anymore but today was really a bad day; he had feared it coming for a week. It was exactly one year than Miles had left him; he had gone out of the door and never came back, no matter how many times he had called him, cried his name and asked him to come back.

Alex felt his heart aching painfully; hot tears were running down his cheeks and he decided it was better to get out of the bedroom. He got up from the bed but he suddenly felt dizzy, his vision blurred and he had to lean against the little table and breathe deeply to avoid falling down on the ground. When he finally got a grip on himself, he managed to walk toward the sitting room and collapsed on the couch, his eyes staring lifeless at the ceiling. 

“Why the hell I am still living here?” Alex whispered one, two, three times before closing his eyes. The answer appeared immediately in front of him. Miles. 

Miles whispering I love you while hugging him and watching a movie on the couch.

Miles on his knees playing guitar hero in the living room.

Miles singing aloud under the shower.

Miles snoring while pretending to read a book.

Miles smiling satisfied while cooking dinner.

Miles lost in the music while playing his beloved guitar.

Miles stumbling everywhere in the house after a night of booze in his favorite pub.

Miles cursing and jumping on the couch while watching wrestling.

Alex’s stomach rumbled and ached. He did not remember when it was the last time he had a decent meal and for sure, it was time to eat something. With a big effort, Alex forced himself on his feet and walked in the kitchen, heading toward the fridge. His sad brown eyes rested on the little picture still hanging on it under a magnet; it was one of the two pictures that were still in the apartment. Alex had removed all the others few months ago because it was too hard see Miles smiling everywhere. It was painful to see those sweet puppy chocolate eyes looking lovingly at him all the fucking time. Alex lifted the magnet and took the little picture in his hand and he couldn’t help but crying and smiling at the same time as the memory of that trip came up.

It was March and Miles had been busy with recording the new album, leaving the home early in the morning and coming back late at night.

_“Happy to see that you are still awake and, most of all, full dressed” Miles said with a grin as he entered into their apartment in the dead of the night._

_“Sorry?” Alex asked perplexed from the couch._

_“Happy-to-see-that-you-are-still-awake-and-most-of-all-full-dressed.”_

_“I am not deaf, Miles. I just wanna know what do you mean with that,” Alex said with a frown._

_“I mean that I am happy to see that you waited for me full dressed here instead of naked in the bed,” Miles explained walking toward the bedroom searching for something. Alex followed him curiously, the frown still on his face._

_“Are you serious? I thought I would have never heard something like that coming out from your mouth, Miles.”_

_“Well is not that I am some kind of sex addicted,” Miles said gathering his iPad and other few stuff from a drawer._

_“Really?” Alex asked raising his eyebrows, a questioningly look in his eyes._

_“Yes, okay I admit I think about having sex with you every hour of the day but at the moment, I am okay with the fact that we are not going to have sex tonight,” Miles explained looking at Alex in the eyes and placing a quick kiss on his lips._

_“I think you need to see a doctor. I am really scared now.”_

_“Do not panic honey, there’s a good reason for it. And stop making fun of me,” Miles said ushering Alex out of the door._

_“Where the hell are we going? If we go out I need to change my clothes,” Alex said but Miles had already closed the door behind them and was running down the stairs._

_“It’s a surprise.”_

_Alex went down the stairs; Miles was already out of sight. When Alex stepped out the front door of the building where they lived, Miles was already waiting for him near a taxi, holding the cab door open and inviting him to enter with a gesture of his hand._

_“Come on princess, your carriage is waiting.”_

_“I hate you when you call me like that. And I do not look like a princess, especially dressed like that,” Alex gave back entering the car ._

_Miles replied with a smile and followed Alex inside the cab and when he sat next to him, he took Alex’s hand interlacing their fingers._

_“You’re so beautiful Alexander. I love you.”_

_Alex felt his heart beating fast in his chest and he felt his eyes almost tearful. He had heard those words hundreds of times but he never got used to them. Every time Miles said that he loved him, he knew that he truly loved him and he couldn’t help but feeling blessed for having him in his life since so many years. Alex kissed Miles on the cheek and then rested his head on his shoulder as the car took the highway. Alex asked again where the hell they were going but all he got from Miles was a squeeze of his hand and a smirk. At some point, the car headed toward the airport and Alex looked at Miles with a puzzled face._

_“Who’s coming to visit us?”_

_“You have not yet learned to be patient, Al.”_

_Alex looked at Miles attentively. His head was resting on the backseat, his eyes were closed, his mouth smiling. He looked incredibly happy. Oh fuck, probably Miles’ mom was coming to visit them and shit, he looked almost like a homeless. He was wearing a pair of torn jeans ripped at the knees, a pink T-shirt with holes near his neck and a pair of battered sneakers._

_“Fuck Miles, you should have told me that your mom was going to come and visit us. I look like a hobo,” Alex said a bit irritated._

_“My mom loves you. And not because you dress smart.”_

_“Yes, luckily it’s true but…hell, you should have told me. I want your mom thinks I am cute enough for you.”_

_Miles opened his eyes and burst out into a heavy laugh. He put an arm around Al’s shoulder and pulled him close pressing a kiss on his lips._

_“I know it’s hard to be the boyfriend of someone who has been nominated one of the 50 best dressed man, honey” Miles said strutting around with a stupid smile on his face. Alex pulled away from the embrace and slapped him on the thigh. Miles kept laughing and when Alex looked at him, he couldn’t help but join the crazy laugh. At some point, Miles stopped and pulled Alex into a hug again, his lips approaching his ear._

_“I love you so much, Alex.”_

_Few minutes later, the cab stopped at the departure area._

_“Here’s your terminal, sir,” the taxi driver announced and Alex looked at Miles a bit surprised because no flights could arrive at the departure area._

_“Miles, what does this means?”_

_Miles thanked the man, paid him, and got off the car hurrying to Alex’s side to open the door._

_“Miles, tell me why we are the departure area.”_

_“Well, I thought you were more clever but I don’t mind. Honestly, I fell mostly because you are pretty,” Miles told giggling like an idiot._

_“Are we leaving for somewhere?” Alex asked trying not to look like a complete dork._

_“Yes, Sherlock, we are at the departure area because we are leaving for somewhere.”_

_“But we do not have any luggage and…”_

_“It couldn’t be a surprise if I told you to pack. And honestly, we both hate to pack,” Miles said raising both his eyebrows._

_“I just hope they won’t kick me out of the hotel when they see how bad I am dressed.”_

_“Don’t worry babe, you are Alex Turner. And I am going to leave generous tips so nobody will complain” Miles said and he took Alex’s hand walking toward the security checks area. It was really a fantastic sensation leaving without any luggage and not knowing the final destination. Alex looked at the man beside him and he couldn’t help but think for the umpteenth time that he was the luckiest man on the world._

_“Why are we leaving?” Alex asked._

_“Well, I’ve been so busy lately. I spent so many hours at the studio and you are going to leave for a tour so… I need to spend some time with you. Just you and me and the sound of our hearts beating,” Miles said with a soft voice and Alex melted._

_They went through the security check and then Miles stopped to check the monitor. There were several flights for European cities and Alex’s heart stopped when he saw that there was a flight for Paris leaving in one hour._

_“I bet now you understood which our destination is,” Miles said with a smirk and Alex smiled._

_“I am a total dumb, you know. I am just a pretty face.”_

_As they were in a public place, Miles resisted the urge to take Alex’s face in his hands and kiss him passionately but he took a mental note to do it as soon as they would step into the hotel’s elevator._

_“I can’t wait to fuck you senseless as soon as we arrive in our hotel in Paris, pretty dumb boy” Miles whispered in Alex’s ear and a shiver run through Alex’s spine at the idea of being there again with Miles because well, that was the place where they admitted to each other they were in love. The place when Miles kissed him for the first time. The place where they made love for the first time. The place where they fantasized about being a couple and living together for the rest of their lives._

Alex was still staring at the picture but he couldn’t see Miles’ smile because tears were blurring his vision.

“Why did you leave me, Mi? I hate you,” he said angrily, crumpling the little picture and throwing it against the opposite wall. The anger he felt a second ago left him almost immediately and now the only thing he felt was pain, a stabbing pain that made him fall down on his knees.

“Why Mi? Why you left me? Why you’re not here anymore?”

Alex found himself crawling toward the crumpled picture and took it in his hand, trying to remove the creases, doing his best to bring it back to the previous status. Miles was still smiling and he had to fight the urge to crumple the damn picture again because it was really painful watching him smiling. Alex let himself collapse on his back, letting the picture slip out of his hand. He closed his eyes trying to stop the flood of tears running down his cheeks but it didn’t work. He soon realized that the only thing to do was getting drunk until his mind was in a fog and his body was numb. It was the only way to let his mind and his body rest.

 

When Alex woke up it was almost night; his head pounded and he felt very bad. He managed to get on his feet and then he slowly dragged himself toward the bathroom. He didn’t turn the light on because his headache was so painful that the light would probably make his head explode but the light coming from outside the window was enough to let him see himself in the mirror. He looked like a zombie and he was not surprised about this because hell, he felt exactly like that. His life was meaningless; he was going through the days without feeling anything except misery, pain, anger and he knew he was not tough enough to continue like that. He had to do something.  
Alex run his hand through his long hair pulling some strands behind his ears and then he looked at the now exposed face in the mirror. He felt sick because of the gin and because of the reflection in the mirror and he rushed toward the toilet bowl, shivers running through his cold body, no one taking care of him now. Because Miles was not with him, looking after him as he usually did when he drank too much. 

_“Alex, fuck! How much vodka did you drink?” Miles said struggling to carry Alex, pushing him inside the elevator. Miles had his left arm around the other’s waist to help him walking and Alex’s right arm around his shoulder to prevent the man from falling down to the ground._

_“Your fault, wanker” Alex said slurring his words._

_“What the hell are you saying?” Miles protested as if he could really have a conversation with Alex_

_“You've spent most of the time talking with her, I hate you.”_

_“I am sorry to contradict you but you fucking love me, honey” Miles replied almost amused._

_“No, I am not your honey, idiot.”_

_“Are you going to insult me all night long?”_

_“Fuck you, Kane.”_

_“Honestly I was thinking about fucking your gorgeous ass.”_

_“Don’t you dare, asshole.”_

_“Uh-oh, I am scared Aly; I am really scared. To be honest, it seems to me that you’re so wasted that I could do what I want with you, honey; you better be nice with me so I can let you have some fun too.”_

_“Mi” Alex said, his tone of voice suddenly serious._

_“What?”_

_“I feel sick.”_

_“Shit! Alex, hold it back, please” Miles said hurrying out of the lift carrying Alex and fumbling with the keys._

_“Please Al, do not do it here again,” Miles said and luckily, he managed to open the door and bring Alex inside their flat. They hurried toward the bathroom and Alex fell on his knees in front of the toilet bowl throwing up. Miles was on his knees behind him, gently pulling Alex’s hair from his face, holding them in his hand so it did not stick to his face and get dirty with the vomit._

_“How do you feel, babe?” Miles asked concerned, caressing Alex’s arm with his free hand in the attempt to comfort him._

_“Shitty.”_

_“Poor baby” Miles said and placed a kiss on the top of his head. Alex threw up again and Miles flushed the toiled and handed him a wet towel._

_“You can leave now,” Alex mumbled as he run the wet cloth on his sweaty face and neck._

_“No way I let my babe drown in his vomit.”_

_“I am disgusting, Mi” Alex whined and he hated himself for always drinking too much, making Miles look at the show of him throwing up all night long._

_“Yes you are disgusting, Aly. But I love you anyway,” Miles said placing a kiss on his temple._

_“Don’t ever stop to love me.”_

_“Of course I won’t stop. And I’ll never leave you”_

Alex’s stomach suddenly twitched and he threw up, no one holding his grown hair that were now stuck to his face. One hour later, his stomach was empty and he crawled into the shower, sitting down on the cold tiles. Alex let the warm water embrace his battered body and he bit back the tears, trying hard to swallow them. He felt empty, useless, exhausted; his heart was broken and his soul was heavy. He stood there for a while, trembling with anger and sobs and he cried until his heart finally slipped into a soothed state. He wanted to run away and hide but he knew it would be useless because he couldn’t run away or hide from reality. His mind started thinking frantically about a way to be with Miles again and thirty minutes later, a plan was ready in his mind. He had tried to accept that Miles had left him, that their life together had finished, that he had to move on. He had tried, he had tried for an entire year but it had not worked.

Alex stepped out of the shower and got dressed; he then walked toward the car going through his plan again. He stopped a couple of times when a doubt and a second thought reached his mind but he didn’t turn back. He needed to see Miles, he needed to speak with him and hug him. Because Miles belonged to him and to nobody else. They were meant to stay together and finally he was going to meet him again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Alex? What the hell did you do? Why did you come here!” Miles said, concern, anger, pain and misery flickering on his face. Alex tried to say something but he began to cry instead, happy to see Miles again. Miles approached him and put his arms around Alex hugging him tightly for a while; then one hand moved to caress his long hair and the other stroke his back trying to calm him. The cry slowly turned into a sob and Miles kissed the top of Alex’s head while he prepared himself to face him.

“Stop crying, babe. I am here now.”

Alex pulled his head away from Miles’ shoulder and looked at him. He was beautiful than ever and he looked joyful and calm and Alex finally let a smile lighting up his face. 

“I missed you so much Miles,” Alex said, smiling and crying at the same time. “I can’t live without you. I tried but…” Alex said before starting sobbing violently. 

“Alex, I am so sorry I left you that way. I am really sorry,” he said hugging Alex tightly, sending him all the comfort he needed. Alex felt a wave of heat running through his whole body, anger and hurt leaving his heart and mind almost immediately. 

“Can you ever forgive me?” Miles said, his eyes terribly sorry, his voice terribly pained. 

“I forgive you,” Alex answered and he rested his face into the crook of Miles’ neck inhaling his scent, feeling finally at home again.

“Thank you, Alex” Miles said and he held Alex tight, feeling relieved that Alex was not anymore angry with him. Miles knew what Alex had suffered and it had been a pain to see him like that and not being able to help him. He had seen the love of his life crying, cursing, getting wasted in the booze, injuring himself, losing his mind, and he had felt his pain together with his own pain for not being with him anymore.

“I am happy to be with you again,” Alex said, finally feeling good for the first time in a year.

“I know, I can feel it. But you can’t stay here Alex,” Miles said with a sad voice and Alex stifled in his arms even if he did not move from Miles’ embrace. 

“Al, babe, look at me” Miles said and he pushed himself away from Alex, looking down at him still wrapped tightly around his body. 

“Alex” Miles called again with a painful tone of voice, his hand under Alex’s chin forcing him to look up.

“I do not want that you stay here with me. I cannot let you stay here with me.”

Alex’s features tightened and he shook his head bewildered, showing Miles his disagreement.

“You can’t do this to me, Miles,” Alex said, tears brimming his eyes again.

“You have to live, Alex. You have to live for me too,” Miles said in a sweet voice and tears began running copiously down Alex’s cheeks.

“You said you have forgiven me so now you will be able to feel me next to you every moment of your life. 

“I don’t understand, Mi.”

“I love you Alex and I know you love me too and I know you’ll keep me forever in your heart so if you live your life, I will be alive. This is what I want for you, Alex. This is what I want for us.” Miles said, his eyes looking at Alex sweetly, his words spoken with love.

Alex stopped crying and looked at him puzzled. Miles approached Alex’s lips and Alex couldn’t believe to feel again the touch of Miles’ lips on his; he had missed the feeling every single minute of the past year and he couldn’t be more happy. 

“Tell me you’re going back, Al” Miles said, hope flickering in his heart. As soon as their tongues touched, Alex got blinded by the images of them together, looking at each other lovingly, having fun on stage playing their songs, making love in their king-sized bed, cuddling on the settee on their balcony, snogging on the sofa in front of the TV and Alex felt his heart almost jumping out of his chest. Alex realized what Miles meant and when they parted, he brought his hands to his own face and wiped the tears away, letting a tiny smile appear on his face.

“So, are you going back?” Miles asked and Alex didn’t manage to reply with words; he simply nodded at the man in front of him and Miles smiled.

“You’ll see images of our life together every time you will close your eyes and drift into sleep. And you will feel me around and my lips on yours every time you’ll be happy to be alive,” Miles said, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Swear to me that this is true, Miles. Promise me I will feel you next to me every moment of my lousy life as you just said or I swear that I am going to …”

“Angels always keep their promises, my love,” Miles said looking at Alex in the eyes before squeezing him into a tight embrace. Alex suddenly realized that were not just a pair of arms that were holding him. A pair of soft, fluffy wings were surrounding his whole body together with Miles’ arms.

“Ready to go back where you belong?” Miles asked raising his eyebrows.

“Ready” Alex answered.

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Alex couldn’t see Matt sitting beside his bed. He had never left him during the past four days. He had been there since the moment Alex's parents had called him informing that the Police had found Alex almost dead in his car. He had taken a whole can of pills together with Miles’ favorite brand of whiskey and he had waited to die in the place where he and Miles used to go when they needed to think.

“Al, please wake up. I am so sorry I did not check you… I completely forgot which day was … I’ve been stupid. Al, please. Al, wake up.” 

Matt would want to go on repeating the words all day long but at some point, tears began to run down his face. He could not forgive himself for having left Alex alone the anniversary of Miles’ sudden death. He had lost a friend one year ago and now he was close to lose his best friend.

Alex had acted bravely in front of everybody at the beginning; when Miles died, he was so shocked that he did not realized that the love of his life was gone forever. Only some days later, after Miles’ funeral, when he was alone into their house, he had suddenly realized what had happened. He had buried himself into the house, trying to cling at all the memories inside of it. At the beginning, there were days when he almost smiled thinking at what he and Miles had done during the years but lately, he had only cried and screamed at Miles all day long for having left him alone, his face red for anger, his heart aching in a manner he couldn’t think it was possible. During those days Alex couldn’t help but snatch all the picture away, put Miles’s dresses and records into a box so he didn’t have to see them, hide his guitars under the bed to avoid smashing them in the attempt to vent his anger. The only thing that calmed him down was alcohol and Matt had found him sleeping on the floor half-naked in the messy house more than once. Now he was here looking at his best friend fighting between life and death and he felt useless. He took Alex’s hand in his and brought it to his face, tears dropping on it.

“Alex please, come back. Miles would not want you to die like that. You have to live also for him. You have to live to remember us how funny and generous he was, how much he loved you, how good he was with his fucking guitar, how nice he was with all of us….and no one can sing his songs like you do, Alex. I can’t wait for us go back on tour and playing his songs. Promise me we are going to do it. Alex, wake up and tell me that we are going to do it.” 

Matt was barely able to finish his sentence and resumed crying and when his eyes had cried all the tears he had to cry, he wiped them away and few minutes later, he was looking at Alex in disbelief. Matt's eyes were puffy and still misty so, at the beginning, he didn’t believe at what he was looking at. 

Alex’s eyes were slowly opening, his eyelashes quivering, his lips moving murmuring something incomprehensible. Matt sprang from the chair and approached Alex, his face close to Alex’s one. Alex’s eyes were now closed again and Matt felt like crying because his first thought was that he had a hallucination but then, Alex’s eyes opened slightly.

“Alex! Oh my God Alex! Can you hear me?” Matt asked incredulous.

Alex’s eyes were half-open now and Matt was smiling and crying, his hands on his mouth in disbelief. Alex’s eyes opened completely and his head turned to the right even if Matt was standing right in front of him.

“Alex! I am here. Can you see me?” 

Alex kept his face turned to the right and a smile appeared on it. Miles was looking at him, smiling.

“Alex?” Matt called again a bit worried, not understanding what was happening to Alex. Was his friend really awake? Maybe it was some kind of involuntary reaction, Alex’s body moving without him knowing it. Matt was confused. He rushed out of the room to search for a nurse, taking his phone to call Alex’s parents who had gone to take some coffee.

“I am happy you awoke” Miles said and now he was few centimeters form his face. He put his lips on Alex’s one and kissed him. 

“Promise me you never leave me again, Miles” Alex whispered and Miles nodded.

“Promised.”

Miles smiled and Alex was happy he could see him now. Miles had kept the promise he had made to him when they met, while he was close to death. He remembered vaguely that if he was happy to be alive, Miles would be next to him. Yes, it was like that. From now on, being happy had to be his permanent state.

-

Ten days later, Alex was ready to go back home. He felt nervous that morning while he was getting dressed and gathering all his stuff because he couldn’t see Miles next to him. Thirty minutes before he had woken up with a jolt, feeling scared do not see Miles again, and he hadn’t been able to dismiss the unpleasant and frightful thought from his head. As he walked toward the hospital’s exit door, he started to think that he had seen Miles and felt him around only because of the pills and the drugs doctors gave him and he couldn’t help but feeling miserable. As soon as he sit in Matt’s car, he felt on the verge of crying realizing that Miles had faded away only because nothing of what he remembered had really happened. Alex spent the whole ride back home trying to get a grip on himself but it wasn’t easy because his features were tight and Matt and his parents were clearly worried. They told him that it was too early to go back to his apartment, that it was too premature to stay alone and they tried unsuccessfully to convince him to move with them for a while. Alex forced a smile while refusing their offers, and somehow, he managed to convince them that he was okay so they let him step alone into the front door of the building where he lived. Alex closed the door behind him and hesitantly, he entered into the elevator. He looked at his image in the mirror and closed his eyes keeping them closed until it was time to go out, silently praying that Miles was waiting for him inside their house. 

When the elevator’s door opened, he stepped out with his shaking legs and he stopped to take a deep breath before approaching the door slowly, the keys already into his cold and trembling hand. He put the key in the keyhole and smiled; he told himself that it was good to be back home because there were such beautiful memories of Miles inside the house and he had just to embrace them and let them surround him. Alex closed the door behind him, took off his coat and shoes and sat down on the couch, closing his eyes and letting a smile appear on his pale face.

“Miles?” 

Alex suddenly felt the air moving next to him and a hot wave of heat running through his skinny body.

“I am here, Alex,” Miles murmured sweetly. 

“I was afraid when I didn’t see you around this morning.”

“I can’t be around if you are sad.”

“I won’t be sad for the rest of my life.”

“You’re such a good boy,” Miles said in a husky voice and Alex smiled and he clearly felt a pair of lips brushing his. Alex parted his lips and their tongues touched, dancing together in perfect harmony.

“Why don’t you open those beautiful eyes of yours? Are you still worried that you are mad and I am not really here?”

Alex chuckled and slowly, he opened his eyes. His face brightened as he saw the love of his life smiling lovingly at him, making him smiling happily too. Miles was there, next to him, his wings occupying large part of the couch. Alex laughed. It was a light chuckle at the beginning but it turned into a belly laugh few seconds later.

“Why are you laughing, Alex? I mean, you are so beautiful when you laugh but…are you making fun of me?”

“I am thinking at the moment we have to go to sleep, Mi.”

“Well, you have to thank me for buying a king-size bed when I was alive, babe.”

“Yes, and you have to thank me I didn’t throw it away when you left me.”


End file.
